While at work on Saturday, having a super busy, stressful shift, I called home and asked Erik what he was doing. He told me he made chili and was getting ready to watch the Iowa/Iowa State game on the new big screen. It hit me like a brick and I just started getting choked up and tears started rolling down my face. I had my first bout of homesickness!
Something about hearing the word Iowa and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. (no not because UI lost to Iowa State either) I miss Iowa and all the things back home. In fact, Iowa will always be home to me. Saturday I wanted to pack up everything and come “home”. That’s the first time that’s happened since we’ve been here in 2 months. I was beginning to worry that I wouldn’t have any feelings about it since I hadn’t this far. I cried as we stood at the bottom of the steps before locking up our house in Des Moines. I just stood there frozen, not wanting to go because we brought 2 babies home from the hospital to that house. We bought our first family pet while in that home. We have our initials on the tree in the backyard. That was our first house and walking out for the last time was heart breaking, especially since Jaelyn started crying as we pulled away and Erik took her back inside to say goodbye to her room. I know that feeling she had. It wasn’t that long ago that my parents moved from my hometown and I had to say goodbye to all my childhood memories. It was like closing the door to that part of my life and sadly, moving from Iowa has closed yet another. I am REFUSING to close the door to all my relationships back in Des Moines though. In fact, I’m trying my best to stay in touch with everyone but that is so hard to fit in when you are trying to live life in another state and do the everyday stuff it takes when you are raising a young family.
I told myself that I was going to stay strong through the move, through the goodbyes (and some were definitely harder than others) In fact the first thing I bought when I was down here and haven’t taken off since I bought it, is a black bracelet that says, “Failure is not an option.” It’s my daily reminder that God didn’t bring me all this way from all I’ve ever known to fail. This move was initially my idea, my chance to seek out another way of life. I don’t regret it. God has plans for us here. That is why he gave us the ability to do what we have done this far. I love it here but there isn’t a day that goes by without thinking about someone from back home. This isn’t our vacation anymore. This is our life now. And when Braden says bye and it comes out “ba” that’s the way he will say it in his Texan accent.
I got my Texas license this week and registered the last of our vehicles. I have a Texas nursing license and a Texas address, but I have an Iowa heart! No matter how long I live here, that will never change.
